“Grab a plate. Now break it on the floor. Now tell it you’re sorry. Is it fixed? No? Now you understand.”

Maybe you have heard of this broken plate analogy before?

It gives us a simple yet, I believe, a profound way to understand the lasting effects of mistakes in any relationship, whether it's lovers, friends or right through to business partners.

If you've never heard of this before, it goes something like this:

"Grab a plate. Now break it on the floor. Now tell it you're sorry. Is it fixed? No? Now you understand."

It’s a straightforward illustration—sorry alone can never undo damage.

However, I believe this analogy can be built upon to better reflect the complexities of real relationships, in whatever circumstance.

This is what I mean.

Imagine you’ve dropped a plate. It shatters, and in that moment, you apologise.

The plate, representing your relationship, may “forgive” you, but it remains broken.

So, you try to fix it—you glue it back together with patience and care.

From a distance, maybe if you squint and place that plate in the right light, everything looks fine. The relationship, whether personal or professional, seems restored.

Both parties feel good for making the effort.

But no matter how well you've patched it up, the plate still remembers being dropped. The cracks remain part of its structure.

Now, 2 things happen over time.

1. We attempt to "fix" the plate, trying to restore it and the truth is we can't. We can't fix people, they can only do it themselves.

People spend years trying to make people change. Whether it is that business partner or it's a friendship or it's a lover.

In truth, our job is not to always fix people. People don't actually need to be fixed or saved. What they need is to be walked alongside.

What I have found in my years of coaching is when we have a desire to "fix" people it has more to do with our own need to validate ourselves than actually helping the other person.

It is very common that if we want to see success (through our own lens) we must control and "fix" those closest to us. They have to live according to our expectations, so that our version of success comes to fruition.

Do you try and fix your partner so that you have your version of a successful relationship?

With a broken plate, maybe there is beauty in those cracks? And walking together through the mess, warts and all might actually bring about the best outcomes for the both of you.

Perhaps there is opportunity to reinforce those cracks with newfound relationship strength?

Or maybe reality hits home that there are just some pieces of the plate that are too small and cracks are too big. The plate is no longer functional and things need to change.

2. Or we try to forget that the plate actually broke in the first place.

Whether in love or business, there are seasons of calm when everything feels like it’s normal and unblemished. Where you've moved past the mistake, and the cracks—those unresolved scars—may feel less noticeable.

But just like the plate, relationships don’t forget easily. There’s always the potential for that brokenness to appear under tension.

If you're lovers, this stress might come in the form of a disagreement or betrayal. You may have moved past the initial hurt, but certain situations will remind you or your partner of those past mistakes. A moment of jealousy or distrust might trigger memories of the time when things were shattered.

No matter how much love and care is invested afterward, the relationship is forever changed. The plate might still be functional, but it's never quite the same as it once was.

If you’re business partners, the dynamics are different but no less fragile. The plate here symbolises trust in decisions, shared responsibility, and integrity.

When a mistake is made in a business partnership—perhaps a poor decision, a missed opportunity, or a breach of trust—the relationship cracks.

You can apply the business equivalent of glue: apologies, fixes, strategies to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

But just like with lovers, business partners don’t forget.

The cracks may seem invisible at first, but they’re still there. Under pressure—tight deadlines, financial stress, or critical decisions—those cracks may widen, revealing the fragility beneath the surface.

In both types of relationships, time helps fade the intensity of the damage. But when a heavy weight is placed back on that plate—when challenges arise or old habits resurface—the stress on the cracks can become too much.

This is where both lovers and business partners can struggle.

The weight of unmet expectations, past wrongs, or the strain of life's demands can cause those cracks to deepen.

You may want the relationship to be as strong as it was before, but the truth is that it will always be more vulnerable where it was once broken.

The lesson here is simple: don’t intentionally break the plate. Whether you’re in love or in business, take care with the trust you’re given.

Mistakes, once made, leave permanent marks.

You can apologise, you can repair, but the plate will never be as flawless as it was before the fall and that's ok if you can work through them.

In relationships—whether personal or professional—it’s crucial to respect the fragility of the bond.

Understand that while you can work to mend things, the cracks will always be there. So you have to keep an eye on them. Working together with social and emotional awareness/intelligence to navigate them as they start to strain...and making the best choices, however tough, for all involved.

So, my advice?

Whether in love or in business, treat your relationships with care. Don’t drop the plate intentionally, because once broken, it will never be the same.

Be the best you,

TK